Oh So Spoiled....!

Tonight, while Nitro and Aravis were out of the house and Muftak and I watched a movie that was recommended to us by his sister (I'm not going to mention the name because I was sooooooo sorely disappointed in the quantity of bad language), little Tobi snoozed on the sofa.

She found a warm spot inside of the fleece Star Wars throw (that looks like fire) on top of the velour blanket that we keep in the living room.

Doesn't she just look soooooo spoiled??? lol

I Made a Dent!!!

No, not in my car or my house or anything else valuable. lol I made a HUGE dent in the "stuff" that's been in boxes in storage in my garage almost since we moved in a year and a half ago.

Tomorrow, I plan on going through the remaining 4 boxes of stuff and getting it taken to Goodwill down the road, but for now, the 7....yes, SEVEN...boxes of clothes are GONE! And may they bless someone else who can use them!

All year I've been intending to sort through them and take them to Goodwill, but today I finally HAD to do it...if we wanted the tax deduction for 2008.

I can't tell you how much that one "job" has motivated me to go through the rest of the stuff in the garage (and our bedroom) tomorrow! I'm going to start the year off with a clean slate! lol

I don't know about anyone else, but our bedroom is the catch-all of the house. First, things accumulate on the dining room table. After awhile, I get tired of looking at all of it, so I make 4 piles. One for me, one for Muftak, one for Nitro, and one for Aravis at our respective positions at the dining room table. Then it's everyone's personal responsibility to take their stuff and put it away. But...want to know where mine ends up?

Yes,...mine...

*sigh*

Usually it remains in a pile, but just in a new location...the corner of the bedroom next to my computer desk...which is actually more of an armoire that's overflowing with papers and...well...junk.

So, tomorrow is the first of my New Year's Resolutions. I will clean up our bedroom and find a new home for all of my "stuff". And I may end up having to throw away a lot of stuff in the process.

Oh, and I have to take down the Christmas tree....

It just never ends...

Ahhhhh....Home At Last!

What an eventful trip! We left for the Dallas area early on the morning of the 23rd, taking little Tobi with us. I was hoping and praying she would do well on the trip...and she did! She slept a good chunk of the drive on Aravis' lap! lol She did well at the rest areas too (no need to elaborate on that) and even made a new friend...a sheltie from Oklahoma! lol

We stopped at Muftak's sister's house to drop off Tobi (she wasn't going to be welcomed with wide open arms at Muftak's parents' house, but we didn't know that until just a couple of days before leaving...yay), then we went to the PIL's house and unpacked our things and got settled in for the rest of the evening.

I'm not going to bore you with all the details of the visit, but we spent a lot of time back and forth between the two houses, which are basically walking distance apart.

I blogged about the situation between Muftak's niece and Aravis on my other blog when they were at odds last summer, and suffice it to say that nothing has been resolved on that. I was in a no-win situation. I feel they need to talk with an adult there to mediate. Muftak's sister thinks we should let them hash it out for themselves...because, after all they are 15 and 16 years old... Pfffft! When was the last time you heard of 15 and 16 year old girls resolving a conflict amicably on their own? Not very likely.

If I had pushed for them to hash it out with one or both of the moms mediating, I was being the bad guy for making a big deal out of it. If I ignored it, I went against my own conscience. I couldn't win either way. So, what did I do?

I chose to ignore it. *HEAVY sigh* Actually, I talked to Aravis about the situation and she agreed to make every effort to be civil and polite, and if an opportunity presented itself to talk to her cousin, she would make sure I knew about it. So, basically, the girls politely ignored one another all week. There was a little bit of tension the first night they were in the same house, but the rest of the times we were all together, they barely spent any time at all in the same room. Aravis agreed that she's going to write a letter and mail it to her. Maybe by letting the other mom think they are hashing it out on their own, we can get this resolved. lol

One of the highlights of my trip was meeting Shannon! We met in Waco, had lunch, and did some shopping together. She is as beautiful, funny, and sweet as I thought she would be. It was a lot of fun! I just wish we would've had more time to just sit and visit...but time is a precious commodity and you take what you can get! :o) I'm hoping that next time I'm in Texas, I'll be able to meet her somewhere again.

I was looking forward to Sunday morning church, because it's just something about being in a new church once in awhile that is just fun. I don't know why, but it's fun to go to church with family when we visit. But this past Sunday, I was soooooo ready for some peace and quiet, that I stayed "home", along with Aravis. Muftak went with his mom. As soon as they walked out the door, I turned off the tv and just sat there in the quiet. It was nice just to have some quiet where I could relax. Aravis was just beat from the night before, so she slept in, then when she finally did get up, we had breakfast together.

We got home last night. It's such a welcome sight to see home after a long trip!

There's more I'd like to blog about today, but I'm going to wait. I need to break this trip into a bunch of little entries, I think. There were so many things that happened!

I was able to follow almost everyone's blog while I was gone, but MIL's computer is a dinosaur, so it took forever to actually do anything...therefore, I didn't leave any comments. But I'm glad to hear that everyone had a nice Christmas!

Loving Christmas Vacation!

What a beautiful morning! After I woke Muftak up for work, I was able to turn off his alarm and curl up in the blankets...and go back to sleep!!!

Today is the first day of my Christmas break from work. I actually had to use 2 vacation days for today and tomorrow, but I don't have to be back until January 5. I'm going to enjoy it.

And get some things done around here that I've been putting off.

Saturday, I watched 'The Jane Austen Book Club'. I think we should start our own Jane Austen book club! It was a very good movie. There were aspects of it that I didn't care for and wish they would've left out, but it was good, nonetheless. I think one of my favorite parts was when Prudie is getting ready to cross the street to meet one of her students at a motel. And the Walk/Don't Walk sign flashes: "Do. Don't. What Would Jane Do?" And, considering they had been talking about how much Jane wrote about self-control and restraint, she walks back to her car and goes home....to tearfully beg her husband to read 'Persuasion'. That was so great....and even better was that he did.

After we get home from our trip to TX, I'm planning on getting a hold of some other movies I've been wanting to see. I'm sure there are going to be times during my daytime hours with Muftak at work that I'll be able to watch them. One of my favorite movies to watch by myself is 'Whale Rider'. I'm serious. I cry my eyes out for like the last 30 minutes of the movie. No, wait, I take that back. I've watched it so many times, I just start in right at the beginning now! lol It's a really beautiful story!

Well, no movies today. Today, the kids and are cleaning house! When I was growing up and we were getting ready to leave on vacation, my mom would make us clean the house from top to bottom. Vacuuming, dusting, cleaning our rooms, you name it! I used to argue with her about it. Why clean the house right before we go somewhere? It's just going to get messy again when we get home. (Kid logic. lol) But, now that I've grown up and had kids of my own and matured (mostly), I totally understand! I LOVE coming home to a clean house! I love being able to empty our suitcases and be done. No dirty dishes to look at. No yuckies on the floor that need to be vacuumed.

The only problem this time is that Nitro will be staying home. This is the first time he's been home alone overnight....and this time, it's for a week! On Christmas Eve and Day, he'll be with his girlfriend's family. The rest of the time, he'll be home cooking for himself, going to work, and probably playing video games. lol We sat down and made a list of rules and expectations last night. Nothing on the list was completely insane...mostly because he's pretty trustworthy and responsible anyway. And, of course, I'll be calling him a time or two here and there. (Oh, one of the rules on the list actually did mention that he was not to use fire in any way, shape, or form while we're gone. He's been known to work on projects in the garage using Muftak's propane torch...without letting us know. I would like a house to come home to.)

Anyway, right now, the kids are both still asleep and the house is amazingly quiet and I'm enjoying every second!!!

The Perils of Being a Mom to Teenagers

The last couple of weeks have been so busy! I've had so many things on my mind lately that I can't keep anything straight. I guess it's good that I recognize it, though. lol Last night, a friend of Nitro's gave me a receipt and some change for me to give to Nitro when I got home. I told him to ask Nitro this Sunday if I gave it to him...I know how I am! I would likely forget.

Of course, I didn't....THIS time. lol

I've got so many things going this week that sometimes I seriously think I should probably be evaluated by a qualified psychiatrist to make sure that I truly AM sane. I plan soooooo many things for myself to do and rarely consider what level of stress that's going to create for myself.

With Christmas just around the corner next week, I've been running double time to get things done around here before we leave for Texas on Tuesday. Thankfully, I had the foresight to go ahead and ask for Monday off as well as Tuesday. It will be nice to be able to get the house cleaned and in order before we leave. (I like coming home to a clean house, don't you???)

One crimp that got thrown into our plans was that Nitro will not be travelling to TX with us this time. He has to work a paintball tournament the weekend right after and can't get out of it. He's made plans to spend Christmas Eve and Day with Shelby (his GF) and her family. I'm disappointed that he won't be with us on Christmas morning, but this is just one of the first of probably many Christmases that I'll have to live with one or both of the kids not being there. I'm thankful, though, that he'll be able to spend Christmas with good friends who are as much family to us in our hearts as our real family is to us by blood.

Another reason I'm soooooo excited to be heading to TX next week is that I will get to meet Shannon! I'm not sure of the details yet, but those will be worked out eventually...hopefully sometime this weekend. I'm just soooo excited to finally meet her...and a little nervous. (That's just me...) :o)

This past week has been crazy. At least Mon. and Tues. night, I was able to get some things done before the weekend hits. Last night, we had a Missionettes/Royal Rangers Christmas party. It was loud and crazy, but the kids had a good time playing games and having snacks.

Tonight, I have to work at Rick's. Then, I'm officially off the schedule until spring. I talked to the scheduling manager and he agreed to give me a callback sometime in April. It will be nice to not have to worry about that through the winter months.

Tomorrow is a really busy day! At noon, our dept.'s big boss is taking everyone out for lunch at the Field Club in Omaha. Very nice! But, I'm going to cut out a little bit early and head home to pick up the kids so we can make it to our afternoon dentist appts. We're just having our regular 6 month checkup and cleanings. Kind of nice timing...right before vacation. ;o) Then at 7:00, we're having our Missionette sponsors' Christmas party. I'm supposed to take care of snacks, but not sure what I'll bring or when I'll get them ready. lol I'm going to do some detective work online today for some creative and fun, but EASY ideas! :o) We don't want to have just a lot of sweets, so I need some ideas.

Aravis has to be at UNMC on Sat. morning until noon for a youth exploration program that she's involved in. Basically, the kids learn about all aspects of the different areas in the medical field. She's very interested in a becoming a surgical technician. The first Sat. she went, she LOVED it. As far as I know, the kids can repeat the sessions. And the bonus is that it's totally free! :o)

Now, outside of the regular, boring schedule stuff, here's the latest from this teen occupied household. Nitro had to have stitches in his head yesterday. At rifle team practice, they were practicing a new maneuver where one of the guys in front tosses the rifle backwards, over his shoulder (and over 2 of the guys directly behind him) to the guy in the back. That guy catches it, then tosses it back. Well, the guy caught it, but when he went to toss it back, he tossed too high, it hit the ceiling and came down barrelfirst on the back of Nitro's head. It dislodged a CHUNK *gulp* of skin and...short story....he ended up at the dr.'s office getting six stitches in his head. Sgt. was beside himself. He said they've had kids get hit in the head with the rifles before, but NEVER had anyone actually get INJURED on this level. He said from now on, they would practice without the kids in the middle. I told Nitro maybe he should suggest that they wear military helmets when they practice! lol He laughed and said that was probably a good idea. He's on a round of antibiotics, but is otherwise fine....at least I'm assuming he is. I haven't actually talked to him today yet. He was still in bed when I left for work.

And, then, Aravis is home in bed sick with a cold. I made her go to school yesterday, but should have probably let her stay home. She's not running a fever, but she said she's all achey and feels awful. I'm hoping it's not some new strain of flu. The achey part makes me wonder.

Just another day in the life of a mom to teenagers... *sigh*

*******************************
NOTE: I wanted to note here that the rifles they were tossing around in ROTC were not real rifles. They're drill team rifles. lol Guess I should've made that clear to begin with, huh, Jane??? lol Sorry.

The Namesake

I finally managed to accumulate a list of "must-sees" so that I could FINALLY use the gift subscription I was blessed with in January. (Thank you again to the sweet, dear friend who gifted that to me! You know who you are. Love you!)

A movie that I have wanted to see for a long time is 'The Namesake'. It's an indie film about a Bengali family living in the United States. It starts out very slow, but every scene is critical to the "life" of the movie. (Even the "intimate" scenes that I fast forwarded through. lol We didn't need to see THAT much, but the point is that it's important to the fullness of the story.)

It starts out with Ashoke travelling on a train, absorbed in a book. He meets a man who tells him that he should travel the world. From that point on, his life changes. He ends up in NY, but travels back to India to marry Ashima. He brings her back to cold, snowy NY. From then on, the story just builds and builds around the family and life that they are building.

Their son, Gogol, is the main character. He and his sister, Sonia, are raised in a very traditional Indian home. Gogol spends the entire movie trying to break away from that tradition and culture, so that he can be anything else but Indian. He's almost resentful of his own Bengali heritage.

But, as he grows older, and events conspire to change his life irrevocably, he realizes that part of who he is really is who his parents have always wanted him to be.

The movie does start out very slow and make jumps ahead, but it was WELL worth watching it to the end. I cried straight through the last 20 mins. or so, I think.

There is a review by a Bengali viewer at imdb.com (follow the link I put on the name of the film earlier in the post) and I think is a wonderful review of the film. Granted, not everyone will like this movie, but I thought it was beautiful and rich.

Love to Hate You - A Game of Tag

1. Put your MP3/iPod on shuffle.
2. Answer each question with the title of the song that comes up. Don't skip it just because it sounds weird or doesn't make sense.
3. Tag 10 or more other people in this note (to write out one of their own)

IF SOMEONE SAYS "IS THIS OKAY" YOU SAY?
Everywhere – The Kry
That'll confuse 'em! lol

WHAT WOULD BEST DESCRIBE YOUR PERSONALITY?
Clinic – Marty Casey & the Lovehammers
Hmmm...mental health clinic? Wellness clinic? Could be good OR bad.

WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL?
Gonna Be Alright – Newsboys
Not sure what this is supposed to mean.

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE'S PURPOSE?
God’s Got an Army - Carmen
That's a cool purpose!

WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO?
Come On Eileen – Dexy’s Midnight Runners
Aw, come on! Really???

WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?
I’m Alive – Between Thieves
Breathing and heart beating is always good.

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?
All Because of This – Mercy Me
Sounds almost like a complaint, doesn't it? lol

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?
Big Neon Glitter – The Cult
Wow! She'll be happy to hear that!

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Casualty – Marty Casey & the Lovehammers
Hmmm....good thing I'm a clinic. hehe

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?
Speak to Me – Audio Adrenaline
I'm a good listener.

WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?
Hold Me Now – Thompson Twins
I never did grow up. It's too scary out there.

WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
The Riddle – Marty Casey & the Lovehammers
Ain't that the truth???? lol

WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?
Ship of Fools – Erasure
Wha...? Hmmm...

WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?
You Surround Me - Erasure
Cool!

WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?
In Wonder – Newsboys
I hope that means wonder that I lived soooo long and soooo well!

WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?
Bedbugs and Ballyhoo – Echo & the Bunnymen
Wow! Yeah. Random.

WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET?
Lonely Man – Audio Adrenaline
Oooooh, sounds really sad, doesn't it?

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?
Who Knows – Between Thieves
ROFLOL Too funny!

WHAT'S THE WORST THING THAT COULD HAPPEN?
What a Wonderful World – Louis Armstrong
I think Mr. Armstrong misunderstood the question...

HOW WILL YOU DIE?
Leave in Silence – Depeche Mode
In my sleep? YEAH! :o)

WHAT IS THE ONE THING YOU REGRET?
Call of Distress – Marty Casey & the Lovehammers
Ok......

WHAT MAKES YOU LAUGH?
Jungle Love – Steve Miller Band
Memories from my childhood! lol My uncle had this album and my sister and I would listen to it everytime we stayed at his and my aunt's house!

WHAT MAKES YOU CRY?
Your Glory Goes On – Mercy Me
Wow!

WILL YOU EVER GET MARRIED?
Take My Breath Away - Berlin
That could be good or bad...

WHAT SCARES YOU THE MOST?
This Blood - Carmen
Blood DOES make me cringe, but I don't think that's exactly what Carmen was going for...

DOES ANYONE LIKE YOU?
Heavenbound Train – The Kry
Yep. Head in the clouds...

IF YOU COULD GO BACK IN TIME, WHAT WOULD YOU CHANGE?
The Spring – Between Thieves
I'd make it warmer.

WHAT HURTS RIGHT NOW?
Punk Rock Girl – The Dead Milkmen
lol

WHAT WILL YOU POST THIS AS?
Love to Hate You - Erasure
Of all the songs on my mp3 player, it pulled up THIS one to use at the title for my post??? Why? lol

I noticed as I was doing this that it selected Marty Casey, Mercy Me, and some others repeatedly. Weird. I have a much wider variety on my Zen than just those! lol

I'm not going to tag anyone, but if you want to try it, have fun.

Another Busy Weekend...With Some Fun Thrown In!

This weekend was just as busy as every other weekend, but we had some fun thrown into the mix. On Friday night, Muftak and I were on a mission to find a new Christmas tree. Well, everywhere we looked, the prices were all in the triple digits...and, personally, it made us both cringe. Well, we decided that we should look at Goodwill. You never know...

So we did.

And we ended up coming home with a 7 1/2' Icelandic pine Christmas tree. I saw the same one in Target for over $200 on Wed. We paid $25 for it. It took me 1 1/2 hours to straighten out all the branches and adequately "fluff" it as we put it together, but it looks fabulous! I finally got the last of the lights on it last night...all 500 of them...and we're putting all of our ornaments on it tonight. I'll post a pic when I get a chance...hopefully tomorrow.

It pays to be frugal. ;o) (Becc, I know you'd be proud! lol)

On Saturday, I went shopping...partly for necessities for home, but mostly for myself. I won the drawing for a $20 gift card to Walmart at Dory's blog, so I just HAD to spend it.

Unfortunately, I really hate Walmart because of the lines and I had the hardest time finding something I really wanted to use it on. I ended up buying a very basic pizza pan (our old one has seen better days), a movie ('How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days'), and a bottle of perfume (Paris Hilton). I think I did pretty well for $20. Of course, I had to wait in line for a gazillion hours....well, maybe not long...probably more like 20 mins.

After I got home and showed everyone my purchases, though, I thought, "OH MAN! I could've used it to buy some mp3 downloads from the Walmart site!" I wouldn't have had to actually go in the store that way. lol Oh well... Next time? ;o)

Yesterday, our friends, Mickey and Minnie (real names were changed to protect the ornery) treated us to homemade burritos at the church after service. We were going to hang out there and play games too, but it was too cold. We volunteered our house where it was warm. Today is their daughter's (Nitro's girlfriend's) birthday and they didn't want to "invade" our house for her birthday dinner. (We don't mind, but you know...) So the burrito lunch was her birthday dinner.

When we got to our house, we played Apples & Oranges and Mad Gab. I really love Mad Gab! It is sooooo fun! And Muftak had us laughing SOOOOO hard on one of his guesses!!!

Here is his clue: Up Row Fashion Hulls Beaker
Here is the answer: A Professional Speaker

He got stuck on "Fashion" and could NOT get away from that word to save his life. He was trying so hard that he was yelling...when no one else was saying anything. (We were all laughing too hard!) His answer was coming out something like: A Pro Fashion Hullsbeaker....A Pro Fashion Hosebeaker! It was HILARIOUS!!! I thought I was going to cry, I was laughing so hard!

Anyway, Aravis had to go to work at 6, then Nitro and Shelby (not her real name) moved to the living room to watch 'X-Files: I Want to Believe'.

Busy busy busy....but what a fun weekend! :o)

Could This Week Have Lasted Any Longer?

lol What a way to end the week!

Last night, Aravis had her school Christmas program. I had to work at Rick's, so Muftak and I went to the matinee at 1:00. I just took off from work early. It was very good! They tape it every year, then sell the DVDs later. I wish someone would post each of the performances online somewhere for sharing. They're so great! Aravis is in the drama team and participates in alot of the dance team performances. She was in 3 of the drama/dance performances. They were all very good. She had a solo in one of them...a sign language interpretation. She's improved so much in her presentation...and gotten over a lot of her stage fright, even though she still does get a little nervous beforehand.

At Rick's last night, I had a very interesting evening! I got my first table at about 5:45, almost an hour after I got there! Ugh. The guy was very nicely dressed, though, and carried himself like a business professional. He had 2 people joining him, so I was kind of pumped that, if nothing else, I got at least one good table. Well, he waited and waited...he had ordered a drink and eventually just wandered up into the bar area to watch tv while he waited for his joiners.

About 6:15, he told me to order him some calamari in about 5 mins. So, at 6:20, I ordered him some calamari. At about 6:30, he went ahead and ordered dinner. He was very polite and didn't seem like he was in any rush, which was good. I figured he got stood up or something.

About 3 bites into his dinner, his joiners showed up. It appeared to be his daughter and a friend of hers. They enjoyed dinner and then I presented them their bill. After they left, I picked up the bill from the table and headed over to complete the sale on the computer. He had paid with a credit card and had the signed slip in the ticket book. His total was $84.53. Next to the credit card receipt was....

GET THIS...

3 crisp $20 bills!

Wowzer!!!

I had to look at it for awhile before it sunk in.

He left me a $60 tip on an $84 tab!

Merry Christmas to me!!!!

The other two servers working with me last night were both like, "WOAH! Nice goin'!"

It's times like those as a server that really makes it hard to quit.

It's Beginning to Feel a Lot like Christmas!

What a wonderful Thanksgiving weekend we had! The weather was absolutely fabulous (despite being cold) and the best part? On Sunday morning, when I woke up, there was snow on the ground!

I'm not a cold weather person. Sometimes I feel like God put me in the Midwest as either a test or a joke. lol But, the first snow right after Thanksgiving is just soooooooo amazing!

Outside of not feeling well when I got up Sunday morning, it turned out to be a beautiful day at home. I stayed home from church thinking that, if I was coming down with something, I would prefer to keep it to myself and not infect everyone else around me...esp. all the kids in my Sunday School class. I'm hoping that their parents appreciated my selflessness. ;o)

By lunchtime, though, I was feeling much better. So, I managed to talk Muftak into going for a drive with me...to Elkhorn, IA. lol Elkhorn is about an hour's drive from where I live.

It's also a Danish settlement and home to the Danish Immigrant Museum, where my great-grandparents have their name on the wall of Danes who immigrated to this area through the years, and to a Danish windmill. This past weekend was their Jul Fest. So, we were able to catch the tail end of their celebrations.

They had cookies and drinks to sample. I could've sampled glögg, but just couldn't bring myself to. Glögg is basically warm, spiced wine. Traditionally, you make it with port or other red wine and add all kinds of spices, then serve it warm. They had glögg spice mixes available for sale, but after reading what was in it, I just couldn't do it. It would've been like drinking sugary, rich, syrup. Has anyone out there tried it before? I'll admit. I was a wimp. But Muftak didn't try it either, so....pffft! :o)

They also had some white wine from the winery there. Who knew? The one I tried was Mølle Huset Vin. It was very light and fruity. And warm going down... ;o)

Anyway, we finally got around to picking up what I actually went there for....glanspapir. Or, in English, glazed paper. It's used for making the woven paper hearts and other pretty cuttings that the Danish have made famous. So far, it's the only place around here that sells it. Of course, I'm going to do some more research and see if I can find some little, obscure store here in the Metro that sells it...just so I don't have to drive an hour both ways to get more. :o)

It was a fun trip. Muftak and I talked about all kinds of things on the way there and on the way back. And, for some bizarre reason, the trip back went a lot quicker than the trip there. Not sure why, because from my experience, it's always the trip home that takes the longest any other time! lol

In any case, we had a nice Sunday afternoon and then enjoyed our private family Thanksgiving dinner later on Sunday night...although Nitro missed it. He's usually home by 7 on Sundays, but not this time. :o( Disappointing, but that's how it goes sometimes.